the end... always said to mark the completion of a fairy tale, be it happy or not. it's an interesting phrase and completely closes up a story. it leaves questions, but answers them at the same time. it tells you that these characters' lives do not move on from the end of the story, nothing exciting happens to them ever again.

its coming to the end of the semester here and a lot of people are moving on. moving on to do new and exciting things with their lives. people i have come to love and care about will be leaving and i will probably never see some of these people ever again. it saddens me. we're at the end of our physical relationships (being able to spend time with each other in person), but with technology we can remain in contact, but relationships like that only last for so long until they are dead. all things come to an end, but they still continue.

it is the end of an era, but not the end of those involved. they will carry on. it is not the end.

late nights

It's odd... I am feeling very melancholy tonight, and I am not sure why. Perhaps its the fact that I am up at 2:30 writing a paper that is worth 25% of my mark and its due in about nine hours... somehow I doubt that though... this is usually when I write my papers. But still, for some reason, I am sad. Recently I wrote a research paper on my favourite poet, Pablo Neruda, and the way I am feeling right now reminds me so much of his poem "Tonight I Can Write the Saddest Lines" (which is also the poem that got me into poetry) so I am going to share it with you.

Tonight I Can Write the Saddest Lines

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.


translated by W.S. Merwin

Hypothetical Situation

this was something we were asked to consider in one of my classes today. We had to think of what we would say if we got to meet a character from "Cleon" by Robert Browning.

I know that you feel lost. Like nothing you do will matter in the long run. That you will not be remembered after you die. That all your work, all your art will not matter past your death. You are looking for meaning in life but not finding it. Yet you just dismiss Christ's and Paul's teaching without even thinking about it. I dare you to go and read it. To think about the words they are saying; to realize what they are teaching. You might just be a little surprised.

Lies of Justification

Just one more time
until I stop
(maybe even forever)
but probably not.
Everyone does it
so what does it hurt?
Just one more time
it can’t hurt anyone.
The lies grow
the trust thins.
Just one more time
it won’t hurt.
the truth is gone
hope has fled.
Just one more time
there is no hurt.
friends are gone
lies remain.
Just one more time
It can’t hurt anymore than it does
Just one more time
I am hurt.

The small things

Today was a great day in many ways. In one way, Canada is back at the top of the Hockey world in both men's and women's! In another, I have learned a lot about... a lot. We had a time of deep and personal sharing in my dorm tonight, we confessed our shortcomings to each other, and how we mess up on a day-to-day basis. It was an amazing time and we all grew closer together in ways that I did not see coming. Some interesting topics came up through the course of the evening including the human propensity to focus on the small things in life and forget completely about the big picture, or just not realize the consequences that their actions could have. How taking a longer break than one planned to could drastically affect the rest of their day is astounding! Being a college student this procrastination can affect the rest the my life, especially if I get into a pattern of it. Ironically, I should be writing a paper right now... anyways.
The conclusion I have come to is this: don't forget the big picture, but at the same time keep the little things in focus too. You can't be working towards the future your entire life, because all lives end the same--in death. That sounded horribly bleak I know, but if that is what you do than what was the point of your life? You neglect relationships, hobbies, and yourself. So every once and awhile just step back and look around, the big picture is made up of a lot of little things.